Introducing: Miss Cellophane

Miss B: Hey there, folks. Long time no see! As you may have noticed, my WordPress has not been exactly bustling lately. So I’ve brought in my solution to that. I would like to introduce my partner in crime; Miss Cellophane! Note that whenever a post is being written simultaneously by both of us, our text will be colour-coded and written similarly to a script between the two of us. She does far more writing in fanfiction while I mainly prioritize rants, topical essays, reviews, Top 10 Lists, etc. Without further ado, I’ll hand the keys over to her for the remainder of this post and let you get to know her a little bit. Miss Cellophane, the stage is yours!

Miss C: Thanks, Bloodstone! So first I would like to say…hello, everyone! I’m super excited to get to take part in these projects; I love to write, and I’m always thinking of new concepts to bring to the table for people to enjoy, and I’m certainly hoping you all enjoy what I have to offer. As Miss Bloodstone said, I mainly write fanfiction, but I do dabble in original content as well when the inspiration hits me. Between the two of us, I think we can bring out far more material for you all to enjoy, and I’m also trying to convince Miss Bloodstone to consider transcripts of our conversations about…anything and everything, really. I don’t know if you will all find them as amusing as I do, but I think there may be some of you who would enjoy being a fly on the wall during these exchanges. If that’s something you think you’d be interested in, speak up! She’s still not convinced enough to make it happen.

Anyways, I’ll wrap this up before I start to drone on. Thank you for having me, and I won’t let you down (maybe)!



Getting to Know You: Miss Bloodstone

The Basics

-Full name: Miss Bloodstone. That’s all you need to know, dearies.
-Nicknames: Miss B, MB, ‘Hey You’, etc.
-Age: At the time of this blog? 25.
-Astrological sign: Pisces.
-Chinese zodiac animal: Monkey.
-Homeland: Canada, baby.
-Tattoos: None, yet.
-Piercings: Just my earlobes and one nostril.
-Pet peeves: Bad grammar, people who walk wayyyy too slow in front of others, people who don’t say please/thank you… but my number one is people who cut down others for no reason. I have found myself in too many situations where people I’m around will just start trash talking about some person they’ve never even met, or barely know. I just walk away. No thanks.
-Smoke: On occasion
-Drink: On occasion.
-Drugs: Not since high school, and even then, I only smoked pot a couple times. I didn’t see what all the fuss was about, but I have nothing against it excluding the fact that it is still illegal where I live. Until it’s legalized (and it’s only a matter of time), I make a point of staying away from the stuff.


It’s a close tie between blue and green, but I enjoy most colours depending on what they’re applied to.

Dog breed.

Halloween, but Christmas is a close second.

Date spot.
Amusement parks. I love the idea of going on all the rides, wandering and chatting about everything and nothing, munching on horrible food, playing the rigged games all to win a $2 stuffed animal that we spent $30 trying to win (which I will treasure), and topping it off with fireworks at the end. It’s just a fun time where you can be both best friends and a couple. On top of that, there’s no better icebreaker than screaming your head off on the scariest ride you can find.

It depends on my mood; sweet fruit, pasta, sushi, and burritos are generally good bets, though.

Anything sweet. Mangoes, watermelon, cantaloupe and kiwi are a few of my favourites.

Broccoli and cucumbers are tasty; same with beansprouts.

Alcoholic drink.
I’m always content with Molson Canadian, Stella Artois, and the occasional margarita. If I want someting harder, I enjoy a little Jack Daniels, or a shot or two from my neighbourhood pub; they made these tasty dessert shots with apple and cinnamon that just rocks my world.

Non-alcoholic drink.
Iced caps and slurpees all day, every day.

I have many, but I’ve always enjoyed Holly Black’s ‘Tithe’, Nancy Baker’s ‘The Night Inside’, and Tamora Pierce’s ‘The Immortals’ series. Mainly because these books were escapes for me throughout my time in middle and senior high school.

I can’t list them all, but Twister, Sucker Punch, American Mary, Practical Magic, Moulin Rouge, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Ace Ventura, Death Proof, Insidious, and Interview with a Vampire are the tip-of-the-tip-of-the-tip of the iceberg. I also love Quentin Tarantino’s work; I’ve yet to see a film of his that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed. Death Proof is one of my hands-down favourite films.

TV Show.
I’ve enjoyed a few; Scream, Once Upon a Time, American Horror Story, and Gotham are on the list, as well as 1000 Ways to Die, various storm chasing documentary-style series, anything to do with urban legends, and cartoons I used to watch when I was younger (Gargoyles, Cybersix, Sailor Moon, etc).

Again, I can’t name them all as I love my music, but Evanescence, Halestorm, Type O Negative, Gorillaz, and that’s not even including soundtracks (Hans Zimmer, James Newton Howard, John Powell, Alexandre Desplat, Danny Elfman, Christophe Beck.

Tom Hiddleston, Bill Oberst Jr., Christoph Waltz, Richard Armitage, Gary Oldman, Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, etc.

Angelina Jolie, Audrey Hepburn, Maggie Smith, Emma Watson, Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Emma Thompson, etc.

Vanilla, fresh bread, campfire, rain, and oddly enough gasoline.

Boy name.
Aiden, William, Thomas, Koada, Tristan, Adam, Oliver, Leo, Liam, etc.

Girl names.
Marie/Maria, Victoria, Emily, Rowan, Phoebe, Evangeline, Ardeth, Ruth, Diana, Zoe, Dillan, etc.

Jupiter all the way.


Inner Nerd

What Hogwarts House would you be sorted into?
Hufflepuff. Maybe Gryffindor, but I know the badger would win out in the end. Fun fact; I have a rowan wand with a unicorn hair core at 14.25 inches. Wow. For this whole ‘Inner Nerd’ thing, I’m off to a great (?) start.

What is your Patronus?
According to Pottermore, the wolf.

What is your Ilvermorny House?

Would you rather be a werewolf or a vampire?
I like both, but if I absolutely had to choose, I’d be better suited as a werewolf. I’m not graceful enough to be a vampire.

Edward or Jacob?
Neither, but if I have to choose, it’d be a tie between Carlisle and Alice.

Which Marvel superhero would you be?

Which DC superhero would you be?

Who is your favourite Sailor Scout?
Sailor Jupiter, but it’s a close tie with Sailor Venus.

What would be your District if you were in Panem.
District 4; I think I’d be well-suited as a deckhand.

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you love Star Wars?
One. Sorry, folks; I’ve just never been a fan.

Have you ever sent anyone fanmail before?
Yeah, actually. I don’t really care for autographs, but if I find an artist’s work to be particularly impactful on me in a positive way, I may send it in. I know that 99.9% of the time, it probably won’t be seen, but if I were in their shoes, I know I would love to hear when people enjoyed my work so much they took the time to communicate that to me. That being said, I’ve only done it once.

Have you ever met a celebrity in-person?
No. I’ve seen one or two in-passing. One instance I was quadding with my friends in Los Cabos, and Alexander Ludwig happened to be heading up just as we were leaving. A couple  girls in the front of the bus lost their minds and starting taking pictures with him; he was really cool about it though, which is nice. I’ve seen fans go absolutely wild over celebrities and I find it a bit bizarre.
If I saw a celebrity on the street, even one I consider myself a fan of, I’d still leave them alone. At the end of the day, they have enough people approaching them all the time; it probably gets old pretty quick. They’re people, just like us; give them their space, people. *sigh* Well, that went on for a lot longer than I thought it would. Pardon.

What six Pokemon would be on your team?
Well, I would be super happy with just Arcanine, but as far the other five, I’d have a Starmie, Dragonite, Absol, and Castform (whom I would name Doppler because I’m disgusting), and Noivern. I would also like a Metagross, but only six, right? *sigh*

Do you have any nerdy habits?
I have a game I play at movies where I try to guess the composer of the soundtrack. It’s also part of the reason I stay through the credits.

Have you ever had a weird crush on someone you shouldn’t have?
Definitely, yes. Bill Oberst Jr. He couldn’t have been farther from the kind of guy I fine myself into, and I first saw his work on a few indie horros, and on the Facebook app ‘Take This Lollipop.’ He was creepy, but he did a fantastic job with a script that had no dialogue. I started seeing him in even more films, and even tuned into a few interviews and as it turns out, he’s an incrdibly sensible dude with a great sense of humour. Dunno why, I was just kinda into that. Hey, you asked for my weirdest crush; that would have to be the most unexpected on my end.

Which Doctor is your favourite?
I assume you’re referring to Dr. Who. To be quite honest, I’ve never watched it, so I’m afraid I couldn’t tell you.

What is your favourite Neopet?
Wow, that’s a blast from the past. I always loved Lupes and Gelerts.

Do you play any instruments?
I sing, and I’ve taught myself piano, guitar and flute. I hope to expand to a multitude of other instruments someday, though; harp, cello, violin, melodica, drumkit, bass guitar, you name it.

The Deep End

Would you ever get any body modifications aside from tattoos and piercings?
To be honest, yes. I would love to get a breast reduction at some point; problem is the price tag starts at about five grand, so I’m stuck. Nothing crazy, I just wanna go down a cup size. If I went really wild, I’d love to get my ears pointed, but I don’t think I ever will.

What has been your longest relationship?
Four years and counting.

What has been your shortest relationship?
3 days, with a few months of bullshit.

Have you ever cheated on someone?
Never have, never will. I’ve done some stuff I’m not proud of, but that ain’t one of ’em.

Have you ever been cheated on?
A few times, yes.

Do you have any bad habits?
Picking at my nails, overthinking everything, going off on rants or tangents. I’m not going to lie, I do have a bit of a temper, too.

What do you want to do with your life?
I’d like to know I made as positive of an impact as I could have made throughout my time here. I suppose you’re probably referring to careers and such, though. I can’t really give you much of an answer, I’m afraid. If I had my way, I’d be a star musician, splitting time between working in the studio, touring the world, and helpng other artists get their start, but who hasn’t wanted to be a rock star, right?
So all in all, I’d just like to be happy, and to help others when I can; regardless of my occupation.

This or That

Cats or dogs?
Both. I love cats for their sass and (usually) tranquil companionship, but I also love dogs for their energy and company.

Coffee or tea?
Tea, particularly green tea, and peppermint tea. Aside from that, I’m more of a cold drinks kinda girl.

Cheetos or Doritos?

Pepsi or Coca-Cola?
I enjoy the taste of Pepsi slightly more than that of Coca-Cola, but I enjoy both. I do, however, admire Coca-Cola’s advertising chops. You’ve got to give them kudos on that.

Early bird or night owl?
Night owl all the way.

Day or night?

Pen or pencil?

Pewdiepie or Markiplier?
Markiplier, but I’ve enjoyed lots of Pewdiepie’s videos as well.

Spring or summer?

Introvert or extrovert?
Definitely an introvert. Give me a nice sit-down with coffee with a small handful of people over a massive party any day.

Star Trek or Star Wars?
Star Trek; I’m no Trekkie, but I can see the allure.

Simpsons or Family Guy?
Famiy guy, but I still enjoy both.

Apple or Android?
Android; I have my own slough of problems regarding Apple.

Your Top 5 Turn-Ons

1. For me, it comes down to values. Any guy who can appreciate the little things, whether it be a happy moment, spending time with friends/family, or small gestures of kindness, he has that spark for life that you just can’t duplicate.

2. Honour. If he has a sense of honour and loyalty, he is golden in my books. Morality is a must; he needs to be honest, even if the truth isn’t the easiest thing to hear.

3. A love of music. If he can sit back and enjoy music of any kind, be it metal or country, classical or jazz, I can relate to that love. If he plays an instrument as well, bonus points! I don’t care if it’s the cello or the accordion, if you can play an instrument, you go on with your bad self and play your heart out.

4. Passion. Anything that makes his eyes light up when he talks about something he loves is one of the most incredible things to see when you’re having a conversation. Whether it be a career or a hobby, what have you, when there’s something he’s passionate about, it shows; and I adore that.

5. Communication. If a person is willing to talk about everything and anything with an open mind, and is capable of not just hearing, but listening, they have my respect. Communication quite possibly the most important tool to building any relationship, and it’s a sign of intelligence and wisdom that is disturbingly rare in people today.

Top 5 Turn-Offs

1. Dishonesty. Even if they’re just little lies, if I can’t trust you, I certainly can’t be close to you. I need people in my life to be unfraid to give it to me straight. If someone can’t be up-front and honest with me, I will spend the relationship questioning everything they say, including compliments.

2. Gossip. The world is full of it, and I know it’s something that most folks do without realizaing it, but I’m so beyond tired of it. For most folks, their problems would be solved much easier if they would spend more time talking to people, rather than about them. Besides, if you’re talking about someone behind their back to me, what are you saying about me when I’m not around?

3. Ignorance. One can’t know everything, and there’s nothing worse than a know-it-all, but what bothers me is someone who stubbornly refuses to learn more about something. With such a wealth of knowledge available to us through the internet, literature, and simply through communicating with the people around us, especially those with conflicting views, it is an insult to humanity when one is completely unwilling to sharpen up their knowledge on a topic out of stubborness and blind ignorance.

4. Thoughtlessness. I believe one should be able to put themselves first, and it’s okay to be selfish in life sometimes; you need to take care of yourself and your needs, too. However, that doesn’t give you an excuse to disregard the feelings and needs of others. Being blind to how your actions will affect everything around you, or the refusal to care, is something I can’t tolerate.

5. Bad grammar. I don’t sweat the small stuff, obviously. Minor errors in punctuation, typos, and some words are easy to mispell. On top of that dyslexia is a lot more common than people realize. However, I need you know you are at least making some sort of effort. If your grammar is so atrocious that I can barely make out what you’re trying to say, and it’s born completely of one’s lack of effort, I cringe a little.

Let’s Get Philosophical

What is the meaning of life?
I believe we’re here for two things; to learn, and to aid others. If you’re not learning, you’re not living; this includes learning more about yourself, too. Self-discovery is important. As far as the second essential, I believe it our obligation to help others when we can, and to influence others in positive ways; even if it just involves supporting your loved ones, or lending a hand to a stranger in need.

What are your thoughts on assisted suicide?
I can’t speak for everyone, but I know if I personally were in a situation where I was being kept alive artificially with little to no hope of waking up, I would not want to prolong that stress for my loved ones. I’d rather go and let them move on. As far as terminal diseases, as long as I gave it a fighting chance, I would rather a silent, voluntary death over months to years of constant suffering. I do think people should have the choice if they find themselves facing an inescapable fate.

Do you believe in God?
I wouldn’t call myself religious. I often feel like there’s something or someone out there; and when I feel the need, I do make wishes (not materialist ones, I just wish for the safety of the people I love, or for the resolve to make it through a situation), but I never know what name to call, or if anyone even hears me. Still, I’m not closed off to the idea of a god of some sort; I just feel there’s no way of knowing until the time comes. If there is a god out there, I’m certain that he/she would judge based on the life we’ve lived as a whole, rather than whether or not we believed in an entity we had no way of knowing ever existed at all. Long story short, I don’t specifically believe, but I’m not closed-minded to the concept as I was in my more rebellious (and needy) youth.

Do you believe in aliens?
Yes. I can’t look at all that space and how we couldn’t hope to explore it in it’s entirity only to find we are the only currently-existing life forms out there. It would be such a waste. However, I agree with Stephen Hawking in the sense that we should not try to contact them. Knowing of their existance would be enough for me, but contacting them could easily prove catastrophic.

Have you ever seen anything supernatural?
To be honest, yes. My house is no stranger to the things that go bump in the night, but frankly, nothing bad has happened in the decade that I’ve lived here, so whatever resides here doesn’t seem to be malevolent. I’ve had other experiences outside my home, but perhaps I’ll give that topic it’s own blog entry sometime.

What’s your sexual orientation?
Straight, but not narrow.

Do you believe in love at first sight?
No. I believe you can feel drawn to someone by their presence, or to be exceedingly curious, but real love; actual love… that takes times to develop.

Would you change yourself for a love interest?
I would not change who I am, no. I would take interest in things they are passionate about and learn more, but I will never pretend to enjoy something I don’t enjoy, and I will be open and honest about what I am (and am not) okay with.

Assorted Nuts

Ever broken a bone?
Yes, actually. I broke my leg when I was very young. Damn swingsets.

Can you sing?
I’d like to think so, but really, who’s the judge of that?

Can you dance?
No, but I do it anyway.

Can you whistle?

Can you snap your fingers?
Only wth my left hand.

Can you roll your tongue?

Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
I’ve been trying for years.

Can you touch your toes?
Darling, I can fold myself in half. I have yoga to thank for that.

Moonrise Prologue: Pitch’s Lament

A foghorn echoed in the distance as the waves broke upon the rocky shores. The moon seemed to be at peace behind the thick clouds that promised heavy morning rain, but the seas grew restless as they sang a warning to the world that a great darkness had come to announce it’s return, but no one would hear. No one would suspect the world’s dormancy was to end so soon after it had been recovered. Upon an iceberg the size of a barge, a dark figure waited with an eerie calmness that shook the air around him. He had managed to escape them; the nightmares, upon the sea where the scent of his fear was concealed by the overpowering presence of the deep.

Pitch lived.

Recalling back to his final moments power, before they had risen against him and sent him on his new life on the run. Eager to make them pay for how he had suffered such humiliation, he knew he had to bide his time for only a little longer. He knew there was to be a new chosen one. Someone he knew would put an end to any hope he had for regaining his powers. It was only a matter of time before she would be called upon to join the Guardians in what was to be the greatest battle of this age. She would be their greatest asset, and his final chapter.

“But not if I get to her first,” he mused under his breath. He had already formed a plan to…persuade her to join the right side. Whether she wanted to or not wouldn’t matter. He had given Frost a chance to choose, but the fool had chosen wrong. He chose to remain a Guardian, and to rise against him. This time, he would not be so leniant.

“Once the ice sets in…”

Iceberg, Antarctica



An Open Letter to my Raison D’être

This letter is long overdue, and while I’ve been piecing millions of words together in my head since the day we met, I still don’t think these words I’ve chosen will ever get my point across, but I owe it to you to make an effort. Yes, I owe you; more than you realize, but perhaps this letter will put it in perspective. To show you how you’ve affected my present and future, I suppose I should start with the past and work my way up. Grab a coffee and get comfortable; this could be a bit of a read. I know you always listen to my ramblings about everything and nothing, and I love you for that, but this time I honestly and truly have something to say. This is me pouring my heart out in the only form I know how, and laying my cards on the table; even the ones you may not have been aware were even part of the deck.

You know I was not new to love when we first met. As you know, I was dating someone when we met officially, but my relationship was not a happy one. Before I’d met him, I’d found myself at a crossroads in my life. I had my heart broken one too many times and no longer knew how I felt about anything. I was so used to pretending to be okay, and had become accustomed to convincing the world that I would always be ‘just fine.’ It had gotten so bad that I was stuck in this strange region between numbness and crippling sadness that seemed to follow me like a bad dream everywhere I went. I found myself living less, and trying to simulate what I thought life was supposed to be. The world I had seen ten years ago in vivid colour-vision had grown less and less so throughout the years. At this point, I couldn’t see much colour anymore.

Then I saw you.

I know the moment was different for you; in fact, I know this moment is insignificant to you because neither of us really knew what would happen between us.
I remember looking up at you and into your eyes for the first time and seeing a burst of light that I hadn’t seen since I still believed in love. No man I had met, no person I’d fallen for had ever hit me like this. Naturally, at first I wasn’t sure how to take it. After being numb for so long, it felt as though I’d forgotten how to breathe, but someone had breathed life into my lungs again. From that day on, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I tried to push away what I felt out of fear, but somehow I always knew I wouldn’t be able to suppress how I felt.

That all felt so long ago. Ages, almost. Despite how long we’ve been together, what we’ve been through, and what we’ve seen, we’re still here stronger than I ever thought we could be. There are still little habits I can’t shake that I had when our relationship was fresh and new; feeling a sense of warmth and a swell of pride when I see your eyes light up as you talk about your passions, waking up in the morning to hear you snoring away and loving that start to my day, sneaking glances of admiration from the passenger’s seat, and revelling at how perfectly your hand fits around mine.
I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude toward you for more than just the amazing dates you’ve taken us out on, the situations you’ve seen me through (even when I was being an insufferable cow), and the memories we’ve made. I mean this in the most literal sense; you saved my life simply by being yourself. Frankly , you may as well have stopped a bullet aimed directly at my chest.

I, without a shadow of doubt, owe you my life.

At first, I was concerned that I was living solely for you; that you have become my identity, which I knew would be just as toxic as gargling battery acid. As I continued along my life, I realized something; you become my second chance at life. You were once my only reason to hang on. But somewhere along the way, I found myself, too. I found my passions, my confidence, and I found myself capable of being emotionally independent when the need arose, which I found only solidified my love and admiration for you tenfold. I realized you were not only my love, you had become my best friend, my partner-in-crime, my mentor, my guiding light, and in a word, my home. It was then I realized that my home wasn’t where I grew up, or the roof over my head; my home was, and still is you. Simply you.

This necklace of yours you’ve had me hold on to all this time is the only one I ever wear, and I wear it each and every day. I’m not religious, but every day as I place it around my neck, I close my eyes and wish for everything you deserve and more; all the success and good fortune, the courage to keep fighting through every hardship you are forced to face, and the hope that you will never doubt how much you are loved and appreciated. You are always fresh in my mind, no matter my situation, and when all is said and done, when the day is over and it’s time for my home to return, I will be there waiting with open arms, a better and stronger woman than before.

So, to conclude this letter and end my tendency to babble, I just want to say this:

Thank you for being my everything. Thank you for being my home, my love, my friend, and my hero. I will forever owe you this life, and every life I live until time ceases to flow. Even then, I will always find a way. I love you to the moon and back.

Yours, forever and always,



Our Love Story (So Far…)- Chapter One

Disclaimer: Please be reminded; any names of people portrayed in this series are altered to protect their identities.

Thomas wasted no time; the next morning, he called and we set a day to meet. I counted down the days, and when the day arrived, my stomach was in knots. I tried on nearly every outfit I owned, changed my hair and makeup three times, and I may have gone through an entire pack of gum before my phone buzzed and he’d arrived. I found myself rolling my eyes at my frazzled nerves; I hadn’t felt this frazzled over a guy since elementary school.

I took a deep breath to try and calm the butterflies and walked out to his car. It had to be one of the brightest and sunniest summer days of my life. As we drove to the theatre, I sat back and enjoyed the moment. The windows were down, the sun was radiant, and for the first time since our fort night, the moment just felt right.

After the movie, we headed over to a nearby Italian restaraunt, but as we took a seat, I grew even more nervous. The draw to the movie theatre is it is a date location that doesn’t involve a lot of actual interaction. At a restaraunt, you don’t really have anything to take the focus away from you, making the vulnerability much harder to ignore.

At first, I was a bit quiet, but before we knew it, we were talking and laughing away, not realizing it was time for the restaraunt to close. He paid the bill and we walked out to his car. Along the way, he asked, “well, now what?”

I sighed and thought for a moment. I certainly didn’t want the night to end, but I also didn’t want to come across as clingy; which is no easy feat, I’ll have you know. I’m notorious for my tendancy to cling.

He brought up the idea of ice cream, suggesting we pull up to the airport runway viewing area to watch the planes come in and take off. I agreed and before we knew it, we were taking in the sights of the airport in his car. Talking back and forth, I started to learn how passionate he was about aviation and his work in the industry. It was nice to be around someone who still had dreams careerwise. Most men I had dated seemed nearly devoid of those aspirations; this one was in a word, refreshing.

Our idle chatter started to diminish and there was a momentary silence before he began to speak again.
“So, I have a question for you…” he lead. I knew what he was going to ask, and by the little grin on his face, I could tell he knew the answer already. He asked if we could go steady. Of course, I was already smitten. The car had gone quiet again as I remained in my seat blushing like a starstruck idiot. He nuzzled his head against my arm for a moment and motioned me over to cuddle up to his side. It didn’t take much convincing.

I stopped and looked up at him and we leaned in and shared our first kiss. I immediately felt a rush of warmth flow through my veins and the kiss deepened. Before I knew it, the car’s windows had fogged up and it was getting quite late. We both chuckled at the situation as he started his car to take me home. He realized we needed to wait for the car’s ventilation to clear up the windows.
“Oh, we’ve got more time,” he stated, and he immediately returned to my lips and we indulged ourselves for a few more minutes before he took me home and I stumbled up to my room in a dizzy stupor.

I felt a weakness in my knees and a warmth in my chest that painted a nearly permanent smile on my face. I didn’t know what life had in store for us, but I was eager to find out. For the first time in years, this felt right.

Girl in Love In The Sunset
(to be continued…)


My Love Story (So Far…)- Chapter Ten

Please be reminded; any names of people portrayed in this series are altered to protect their identities.

I awoke to my friend lightly tapping my shoulder. As I opened my eyes, crusty with last night’s mascara, I sat up and held my head in my hands. Wonderful. My first hangover.
“What time is it?” I asked her. She told me it was two in the afternoon and that we’d all slept in longer than intended. Instinctively, I turned my gaze to the empty couch where Thomas had been. Before I could ask, she told me he’d left for work hours before anyone was even awake. I nodded, but felt a tinge of disappointment.
She tossed me a can of ginger ale from the fridge as I held it up to my head. I struggled to recall what had happened the previous night.
“Well, you were doing great until that tequila sunk in. Then you and I decided to go dancing outside in the snow and you kind of fell into…well, everything. The tree, the table, the fence, the fireplace, the barbecue, which is where you wound up with that battlescar there,” she explained as she motioned to my arm. I lowered the can to see what she meant and sure enough, there was a cut straight down the side of my forearm. I felt no pain, but it sure looked awful.
“Geez; I can’t believe I got that out of control…” I murmured. I took my first sip of the ginger ale and crinkled my nose at the taste. “Why do I taste vomit?”

“Well, that’s kinda how you wound up on the loveseat. The rest of us were pretty much gone, but Thomas was still basically sober. You started to get sick and he looked after you for the rest of the time,” she explained with a laugh. I buried my face in my hands.
“So you mean to tell me I danced around, fell into everything and essentially passed out in a pool of my own vomit and had Thomas drag my drunken arse into the loveseat?” I asked. My friend nodded, “yep.”
I sighed in shame. Well, I’m never gonna be able to show my face around him again. My friend offered me a ride home and I decided to accept; I was in no condition to take the bus at this point.
“Before we go, could you do me a favour and get me his number? I need to apologize for yesterday; it’s only fair. I owe him baked goods,” I stated as I removed the blankets from over my shoulders. My friend looked at me with amusement and said, “you don’t bake.”
I downed the rest of my ginger ale. “Well, it’s time I learned, don’t you think?”

I sent Thomas a quick text apologizing for my behaviour the previous evening and thanked him for being such a good sport about the ordeal; he responded respectfully and I left it at that, returning to nursing what had to be the worst hangover in the history of hangovers.

A few weeks later, Aaron and I had further lost our fire. I found myself going through the motions as I began to wish for him to just say or do something awful so I wouldn’t feel so terrible about how I felt towards him. To make it worse, I often found myself wondering how Thomas was doing.
One afternoon, my mother and I were watching television with lunch when I heard a car door shut from outside the house. I glanced out the window to see one of my friends from the party making his way up the walkway. I was pleasantly surprised and started to rise to go grab the door when I saw Thomas appear around the corner, following him over. In a panic, I scrambled to the stairs.
“Where are you going? You’ve got company,” my mother stated, confused at my sudden outburst. As I fled into my room, I shouted my reply, “don’t let them in! I’m not pretty yet!”

I quickly changed just as I heard the knocking at the door and came downstairs to meet them. We’d spent the day watching anime and relaxing together at my friend’s house. I found myself rather nervous around Thomas, wishing the butterflies would cease. Whenever he looked at me, I would find it difficult to take my eyes away from his. Dammit. Why did they have to be blue?

Weeks later, my friends and I had decided to see another movie, and end it on a ‘fort night.’ We planned to make a blanket fort in their house, eat snacks, watch movies, and basically have an old-fashioned sleepover. That morning, I baked a batch of double-chocolate cupcakes for everyone, but mainly for Thomas. I suppose I’m nothing if not a woman of my word.
fter we had finished the movie, my friends purposely filled their truck with junk so I’d have to go with Thomas. The drive from the theatre was a fair ways away, and my friends knew very well that he had often been on my mind. Worse yet, they understood my numbness to Aaron. While the drive was somewhat awkward, we filled the silence with small-talk and idle banter, but I remember feeling that sitting beside him in the passenger seat of his car just felt right somehow.
We held the fort-night as we’d planned, finished off the cupcakes, and as the night came to a close, all four of us had fallen asleep side-by-side in our separate blankets. Thomas was right beside me and I recall having the happiest sleep I’d had in months. All too soon, dawn had come and I had to return home. However, after having spent that time with Thomas, I had started to realize the feelings I was developing for him were unlike anything I had felt in any relationship I’d been in.

It felt as though I were in second grade again. I found myself believing in the possibility of love again, and whenever I thought of him, nothing else mattered. Somehow, though I trusted no one else, I felt I could place my trust in him. I felt I could give him the benefit of the doubt. I felt that one day I could even give him my heart if he would have me.

I knew what I needed to do. I felt as though I had finally found the person each failed relationship was leading me to. Something inside me said that I was born for him. I decided it was time to break it off with Aaron.

I met Aaron at his house and sat him down to talk, but as I continued my lead-up to the difficult part of the conversation, he pulled me into his arms, pleading that I don’t continue. Knowing his pain was nearly unbearable, I teared up as I finished my thought. I had told him we needed to end it and that I wasn’t the person he was meant to be with, but he broke in front of me. I had never seen him so distressed and afraid. I had never seen someone wish so badly for me to stay.
I broke down and took back what I’d said, terrified that if I left then and there that he would do something drastic in his pain. I returned home, kicking myself for giving in as I’d done. I sighed and put the idea out of my mind; my friends, Thomas and I were going on a day trip to the mountains the next day, so at least I had that to look forward to.

When I met my friends the next morning, one of them asked me how my conversation with Aaron went. I sighed and told her what had happened, ashamed to admit that I’d let myself crack. The day continued as we walked the townsite, I noticed Thomas seemed a bit more gruff than I was used to seeing him. I pulled my friend aside and asked her if he was alright when she’d told me, “I think he was planning on asking you out today, but since you’re still with Aaron, I think he’s a bit disappointed.”
Mentally, I kicked myself for messing up what could have been the perfect setting for the beginning of a relationship. I decided to enjoy the day, regardless. We all had lunch on the patio, tossed the football around, enjoyed the sunlight, and delicious food before heading back as the sun set over the mountains. From our friends’ home, Thomas dropped me off at my house and I resigned myself to my decision to end things with Aaron once and for all.

That night, I asked Aaron to walk with me. Forcing my blood to go cold, I told him cracking was my mistake and that staying in the relationship would only make things worse. He was still broken, but I made my way home before he could try to talk me out of it. My decision was made, and the sooner I had it done, the sooner we could leave it behind us. I knew Thomas was the next page in my story, and every bone in my body told me the chapters ahead would not be easy; but they would have one thing the previous chapters lacked.

A love I was willing to live for.
To be continued…


My Love Story (So Far…)- Chapter Nine

Please be reminded; any names of people portrayed in this series are altered to protect their identities.

I stepped away from dating after Seth, but the pain lingered for much longer than I’d like to admit. Whenever a man came along that I found myself liking, I would pull away out of distrust. I even started pulling away from my own friends and family. Regardless of who it was, I found myself questioning everything people did or said around me. Internally, I was in a rage, but on the outside, I simply seemed as though I couldn’t be phased by anyone.

It was well over a year before I happened across an old acquaintance from junior high named Aaron. I didn’t know him very well at the time, but we found ourselves talking often, becoming good friends in the passing months. I decided I would invite him to the summer festival that was being held in the city. We met up at the bus stop one beautiful day and started the night as friends; I did not suspect we would leave as lovers.

When we arrived, the crowds were already bustling. We spent the day walking around, talking, going on rides; he’d even won me a little Pikachu toy in one of the games. We’d stayed there until late into the night before we’d decided to find our way back to our area. We lived close to each other, so we found ourselves sitting on the grass waiting for the worst of the crowds to clear before catching the last train of the night. It was there he admitted he wanted to be more than friends.
At the time, I felt conflict. I was uncertain of whether or not to allow myself to try again, fearing that I would only wind up looking like a fool in the end. As the day had passed, I decided I did not fancy the idea of swearing off dating forever; and if I were to have a chance with someone, surely a man that was a close friend beforehand would be as good a risk as any. He walked me home that night and after brief seconds of somewhat awkward silence, we shared a kiss before he started making his way back to his house.
I felt happy; I knew being with him would be easy and uncomplicated. There was a lingering sense of doubt in the back of my mind, but as the months passed, the doubt faded as I allowed myself to sink further into the relationship.

He was a good man to be with, and capable of making me laugh, but the whisper-quiet nagging in the back of my consciousness grew louder once more after we had been dating for about a year. When he had told me he loved me, and I said I’d returned those feelings, I desperately wanted to believe it was true, but my heart was still closed off. Despite our chemistry, I was unable to shake my growing distrust in him. While I never had solid proof of the fact, I had suspected he was in love with a woman he worked with. I never pried; I knew I didn’t want to know either way.
As each month passed, I started to realize where I stood. It was a difficult pill to swallow, but I knew I had accepted him out of fear of loneliness, thinking I ought to be with someone who loved me, even if I could not return that affection. I was angry with myself for only realizing it so far into the relationship, and as I pondered how to bring it up, I did not know where to start. Whenever I thought I was about to bring up the subject, the selfish fear of loneliness crept back into my view. So you’ll leave a man who loves you; would you rather have nothing?

One night, I was invited out to a friend’s birthday party. As we gathered at the theatre, my friends mentioned we were waiting on one more person to join us; his name was Thomas. As fate would have it, I was somewhat familiar with our final guest, having been aware of him in high school. Though we’d never spoken, something about him had stood out subtly in my mind. It had been a few years, and I’d long since forgotten my curiosity. As our attention turned to the entrance, we spotted him making his way through the doors. We called out to him and I waved him over, surprised that I was happy to see him. I’d hardly ever met him, really.

I shrugged off the thought and we piled into the theatre. I was sitting between Aaron and my friend, but we’d spent the movie in silence. As the credits rolled, we waited for the crowds to pile out of the theatre before we hopped into the cars and made our way to Aaron’s house. The party would continue at my friend’s place, but he had to work the next day. We bid farewell and I hopped into the car with the others, feeling the tension disappear.

When we’d arrived, Thomas and I sat quietly on the couch as our friends started to crack out the liquor. I’d only been drunk twice in my life, and was not generally a fan of alcohol, but I recall feeling butterflies in my stomach that I had not felt since second grade as I glanced at Thomas. I remember thinking, “was he always this tall?” As my friends handed me my first drink, I shook off the thought and as we pulled out the beer pong table, I decided to up the ante; by playing with a bottle of raspberry vodka. I was doing alright until my friend decided to see how I handled my tequila.
Declaring I could handle anything they gave me, I downed two shooters of the tequila and was fine for about half an hour. At some point, I’d passed out, more drunk than I’d ever been in my life.

Sometime late in the night, I’d opened my eyes to the darkness of my friends’ living room. I was lying on the loveseat with a blanket over my body. In the darkness, I saw a shape on the nearby couch. When I realized the shape was snoring, I knew it was Thomas. In my groggy, half-asleep state, I recall feeling a sense of warmth at the knowledge that he was nearby and slipped back into sleep with a smile on my lips.

To be continued…